As you read this guide to Asian dating I want you to know that I found my soulmate through online dating! My wife is an Asian and is from the Philippines so I know what it takes to date an Asian and how to make it work.
Asian Dating Guide
Dating an Asian man or woman is unlike dating someone from any other culture. It can be exciting, but you want to understand their culture and the nuances before going forward. This ensures that your experience with Asian dating goes smoothly. This guide provides all of the information that you need to have an excellent experience dating Asian people.
Asian culture is incredible and built on centuries of tradition. When you first start dating, you may notice small things, such as not wearing your shoes inside. However, as you continue dating an Asian, your world will be expanded greatly and in a good way.
The cultural norms tend to vary based on where in Asia someone is from. For example, those from Korea and those from India are usually very different. Because of this, it is important that you know where your date is from. Do not be shy about asking questions either. Everyone appreciates when someone is truly interested in them and their background.
Different Areas Of Asia
Most people think of Asia as Japan, China, Vietnam, and Korea. Actually, Asia is made up of 48 countries so it’s a very large area. Knowing this is critical to learning how to date someone from one of the Asian cultures. Below are listed various parts of Asia and what countries make up those areas.
In Central Asia, you will often meet people who follow the religion of Islam. You have likely heard music from this region already since it is popular throughout the world. When meeting people from this area, they are often from Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan and Uzbekistan.
East Asia is largely composed of people from Japan, China and Korea but also includes Hong Kong and Taiwan. These are the countries people tend to think about most when they delve into Asian dating. Each country has their own cultural traditions. One of the world’s oldest cultures is Chinese culture, so it heavily influences what you see throughout all of Asia.
When you are dating someone from East Asia, you might learn more about Feng Shui, Chinese New Year and Chinese architecture. Someone from Japan may teach you more about the art of flower arranging or calligraphy. They are also known for their sculptures. In modern-day Japan, there is a mixture of North American and European influences too.
Korea has a distinct and unique culture. The prime importance is the family institution. When dating someone who is Korean, you may experience a variety of holiday-related events, such as arrival of spring, the first full moon and New Year. They use the lunar calendar, so you will get information about this.
There are many religions in this area of Asia. Islam and Buddhism are the dominant ones.
This part of Asia is largely shaped by Turkish, Arabic and Persian cultures. It is also referred to as the Middle East. This part of Asia is where you meet people from Lebanon, Afghanistan, Turkey, Israel, Iraq and Saudi Arabia. There are other smaller countries in the region too.
You will find a wealth of traditions, music and holidays depending on the exact country your date is from.
India is the dominant country in this region. You will find a mixture of European, Asian and North American cultures here. There is also a wealth of religions, but the dominant ones are Buddhism, Sikhism, Jainism and Hinduism. You will learn about stilt houses, hand-movement dancing, rice paddy agriculture and literature.
South Eastern Asia
South Eastern Asia has many different countries, such as the Philippines, Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, Myanmar, Malaysia and Indonesia. In this area of Asia, Buddhist culture is strong, but you will also find those who practice Islam and Hinduism. In the Philippines you will find a strong Catholic presence among the people. This area of Asia has strong cultural diversity.
The communication style elements you run into when dating an Asian largely depends on where the person is from. The communication style in Asia is often referred to as “high context.” This involves:
- Communication is usually harmoniously structures, indirect and understated.
- Disagreements may appear to be personally threatening. Because of this, you must work to solve conflict immediately, and do what you can to avoid it from happening at all.
- Verbal messages tend to be relatively indirect. People might speak around a point, and to convey meaning, they may embellish.
- When you are having a conversation, you must be polite. Do not try to speak until someone else is done talking.
- There is a communal feel to personal space. It is common for people to stand very close to one another.
- There is a high value placed on accuracy. It is very important how something is learned.
When engaging in Asian dating, it can take a little time to fully understand the communication style. It can also differ based on the area of Asia your date is from. Do not try to rush it. Ask questions and really take the time to learn about why they communicate like they do. When you understand the context, this makes it easier to communicate properly and effectively.
Tackle the Stereotypes
When you get into Asian dating, it is very important to remember that most Asian stereotypes are not true. The following are common stereotypes that you want to forget so that you can get to know your date on a personal level:
- All Asians have a yellow hue to their skin. This is not true. People from Asia have multiple skin tones, ranging from dark brown to a yellowish tan. Some will even appear more Caucasian.
- All Asians have the same preferences and cultural norms. Asian people vary greatly based on their country of origin, so forget the stereotypes and focus on who they are.
- All Asians are math geniuses. Like all people, Asian people excel at different things. Some may be great at math, while others are excellent at the arts.
- Asian people do not like dogs. It is a cruel and untrue stereotype that dogs are a culinary delicacy in Asia. There is a Chinese Medicine theory regarding dog meat, but in today’s modern world, this is not something that is followed anymore by most people.
- They all know karate. Sure, there are Asian people who have trained in martial arts, but this does not mean all of them enjoy it or have been trained in it.
- Asian people only date other Asian people. Asian people are just like everyone else. They want to date people who interest them. Do not assume you have no chance just because you are not Asian.
- Asian people are poor drivers. They may be great at driving or bad at it, just like everyone else.
Western vs. Home Grown
Do not assume that every Asian person you meet was actually born in an Asian country. Where they were born often has a major impact on their overall culture and who they are.
Asian women who were born in an Asian country can sometimes be timider and respectful, but know that there are exceptions to every rule. They also tend to be more traditional and feminine. Do not try to change them or push them out of their comfort zone. These values and characteristics are a good thing.
Asian men tend to be traditional and more conservative when they are born in an Asian country. They put a lot of focus on work and success. This does not mean they do not want to date, but it does mean that they will not sacrifice their work for dating, in most cases.
If you meet an Asian woman or man who was born in the United States or another western country, they are likely to be more outgoing and more like the other western-born people you meet. However, this can be untrue in some cases. For example, if they were born in a western country, but are first generation, the cultural and communication norms can still be very much like those in their country of origin.
Ultimately, it is important to remember that like all people, Asian men and women are unique. Do not just assume things about them based on where they were born. This will typically lead to you offending them and not getting that second date.
What type of relationship are you looking for with an Asian man or woman? When it comes to Asian dating, this is something that you really want to consider before you start. Just like other cultures, most Asian people date to find a long-term partner. However, they might also just be looking to meet people.
If you are meeting people through a dating website, you should be clear about what you are looking for. This ensures that the Asian people that you meet are on the same page as you. This can save you both a lot of time. It also eliminates any potential for confusion regarding what you are looking for.
Remember that Asian people can sometimes be indirect when stating what they want. Because of this, it helps when you are very direct about what you are looking for.
When you want to get into Asian dating, you might consider using a website focused on dating an Asian. There are multiple to choose from, and many are focused on a specific Asian country or region. This can narrow things down and make it easier for you to get to know the cultural norms that will make it easier as you continue with your dating journey.
Meeting an Asian
When you want to date an Asian, the first meeting is what starts off your experience. There are several things to remember about your first meeting. You want to ensure that you do not offend them.
The following are common characteristics throughout Asian culture regarding dating:
- They work hard, so they balance their personal and professional lives. Do not feel intimidated by the fact that they likely will not call off work to play hooky with you.
- When they meet someone they like, they are very devoted. You will get to enjoy their deep sense of loyalty for people that they care about.
- They like children, and while times are always changing, if you want to get into a potentially long-term relationship, know that the subject of kids will likely come up.
- They want to be treated as an individual just like everyone else. While being interested in their culture is a good thing, remember that they are a person who just happens to be Asian, so you want to treat them like the unique person that they are.
- Do not assume they love certain foods and traditions simply because they are Asian. Remember that there are multiple Asian countries and regions, all of which have their own unique traits and cultures.
- Do not try to guess where they are from. If you want to know, just ask them.
- Forget all of the stereotypes you have learned throughout the years and simply focus on the individual person you are meeting.
- Never comment on their figure or body type.
The last thing to keep in mind is that Asian people are not easy to pick up. They tend to have high standards, and many are not just looking for a casual fling. So, if you truly like the person, you will have to work hard to get and maintain their attention.
Meeting the Family
When you are dating an Asian, you are also dating their family. This can be fun, but at the same time, a bit intimidating if you are not used to families playing such a big role in the process.
When you get involved with Asian dating, your partner’s family might not accept you at first, especially if you are not also Asian. This is common, but do not worry, if you and your partner are committed long-term, they will likely come around. However, before they come around, they might try setting your partner up with other people, so take this in stride. If your partner is dedicated to you, there is nothing to worry about.
It is not uncommon for Asian people to live with their family until they are married. However, if they were born in the United States, this might not be a factor, so do not just assume.
Their family usually has a big impact on their life and decisions. This does not mean that they do everything their family desires but know that the opinions of their family members are very important to them.
When you finally meet your partner’s parents and other family members for the first time, be yourself. Asian people appreciate authenticity and honesty. Do not assume anything about them based on their culture or country of origin. Also, do not be afraid to ask questions to get to learn more about them.
Long-Term Relationships and Marriage
Asian people want respect and connection. So, when you are dating an Asian, they are likely considering a long-term relationship, and maybe even marriage. You should also know that many Asian people tend to move quickly. So, when you are dating an Asian, they likely will not want to wait five years for you to ask for their hand in marriage.
When an Asian person meets someone that they like, they tend to put their focus on that person. They will not just casually date multiple people at the same time. Just make sure that you respect this, and if you are dating several people, there is no need to talk about this with your partner.
When you are ready to marry, you will ask them like you would anyone else. You should avoid popping the question on a major Asian holiday or celebratory day though.
The Age Gap
It is not uncommon for Asian women to date older men. This is typically not something you see with Asian men who tend to date within their peer group. However, the reason Asian women look for older men is because of security. In Asia, it is not uncommon for someone’s fortune to change overnight. Older men tend to be more prepared for this so that they do not lose everything.
This does not mean that younger men do not have a chance when dating an Asian. It just means that you have to make sure that they feel secure. This does not mean that you have to be wealthy either. Just show that you are ambitious and responsible to make them feel safe.
It is also important to encourage Asian women to work so that they can build their own security. In many Asian cultures, women take care of children and the home. This may make them intimidated by going out into the world to work. Just let them know that you support them and want them to be successful too.
You have surely heard this phrase before and it means the same thing in Asian culture as it does in the west. Asian people have a hard time dealing with embarrassment. They also never want to bring shame on another person. To avoid this, they might try to save face should something happen. This could include outright lying.
This can cause misunderstandings. It can also be hard to deal with. Just know that this is something that may happen. You should work to make your partner feel safe so that they feel less like they need to save face in your presence.
Asian people work hard and put a lot of emphasis on success. You are more likely to be a good match when you too are ambitious. Now, when you engage in Asian dating, do not like about your ambitions. They will find out and this can destroy your relationship.
Just be honest about your ambitions. Start working toward them if you have not already started. They will appreciate that you have goals and dreams. They will also appreciate that you are working toward them, even if your progress is slow.
Paying the Bill
Asian people like to pay the bill when you go out on a date. This is not a stereotype. It is true. Paying the bill and treating friends and family is just a cultural norm. They do not do this to make their date feel inferior. Just make sure that you talk about this so that you can both split the costs of the dates that you go on.
When you are dating an Asian, you will eventually run into superstitions. Just roll with it. You likely will not understand them and this is perfectly okay. The following are common superstitions you might hear when engaging in Asian dating:
- When you are pregnant, do not eat watermelon since it can cause a qi imbalance
- On Chinese New Year, do not wash your hair since it can cause misfortune
- When you are eating rice, finish all of it, or else whoever washes the dishes can go blind
- The devil may start paying attention to babies who are overly admired, so it is common to call babies “ugly”
- At night, never whistle because it can bring evil spirits
- The number eight is considered to be lucky, while number four is unlucky
- Jade brings good energy and better luck
Do not automatically assume that your date will speak another language, especially if they are Asian-American. If they were born in the United States and their family has been born here for several generations, they may not have learned a second language.
If they do speak a second language, do not ask them to say things in that language. You can certainly show interest and try to learn common phrases and words, but do not treat them like a language experiment. This will offend them.
Know that there are multiple Asian languages that vary by country. Once you learn which country your date is from, grab an app and learn some of the phrases on your own. Should you continue dating them, you can start to learn more so that the two of you have more options for communication.
Now, when you meet the family for the first time, greeting them in their language is a sign of respect. Just make sure that they know that you are not fluent, and you are still learning. They will typically appreciate the effort you are putting into learning more about their culture and language.
This guide helps you to cut through the tape of dating an Asian. At the end of the day, what is most important is that you are respectful of each other. This will make Asian dating a pleasant experience for you and your partner.