Lesbian Dating – The Complete Guide To Dating A Lesbian

Whether you have just come out of the closet and are new to the world of lesbian dating, or you have been tied up in a relationship for a while. Your game is a little bit rusty, do not panic because we have got you covered. In a world that is forever changing, nothing ever stays the same, not even dating tips. But never fear because we always have our ears wide open to listen for the newest tips and tricks to help you amplify your dating life. 

Living in a world when we are taught from an early age the rules of boy-girl dating can be pretty daunting when we realize that we prefer girl-on-girl action instead. It can be wildly intimidating. Men are so easy. All you need to do is bat your eyelashes, be cold and bitchy, and act completed disinterested, and you will have them falling at your feet. On the other hand, women are entirely different.

Along with this, lesbian culture is exceptionally elusive. Unlike gay culture, men shamelessly advertising fabulous gay parties that help other gay men find partners. That is just not how the lesbian world works, unfortunately. 

If you decide to follow your heart and date a Lesbian, then you will want to make sure you check out our list of best Lesbian dating sites before you proceed.

Where to Meet Other Lesbians

As I mentioned before, lesbians are elusive and quite hard to distinguish in a crowd and find them even more challenging if you live in a small town. However, do not let this dishearten you. Lesbians are out of the closet and out in the dating world, no matter where you live. So, where to meet other lesbians, and how do you find them?

A timeless tip is to get yourself a wing-woman. Lesbians are usually friendly and helpful to new women who are new to the gay dating scene. However, beware: sometimes they can be a little too friendly. But you may find them in lesbian meeting places.

So, all you need is a wing woman? Sounds easy, but where do I find this woman? Well, that is a tricky and complicated question. There are a variety of possibilities where you can find this lesbian dating scene mentor. 

You can find her anywhere, so start with the place you frequent the most. Is there a lesbian at your place of work? Could there be a lesbian that works at your favorite bar or gym? What about someone you are friends with? The possibilities are far, vast, and endless; be sure to explain your dating scene dilemmas once you find your wing woman. 

Once you find her, she’ll teach you how to meet lesbians and that knowledge is vital.

If you have been looking for a while and you can’t find her in a non-gay space, then it is time to change your plan. Now, you must go to a lesbian bar by yourself, and by doing so, you will learn how to meet other lesbians. I know this sounds scary but don’t write off this suggestion just yet! Before this idea ultimately puts you off, we’ll explain the advantage of this approach. 

Independence is erotic, and before long, you will have a potential partner coming up to you. Plus, being alone shows that you are new to the queer tribe and trying this whole thing out. Being alone works in your favor as lesbians who have been in the game for a while are thirsty for young blood. 

Online Meeting Spaces

Meeting people online is easy, but anything can happen once you arrange to meet them in real life. When messaging others online, they can proofread their messages, rewrite any poorly worded text, and put their best foot forward in every social situation. 

While not quick or natural, the editing power that comes with messaging people online is great for those who have anxiety and for those who often put their foot in their mouth. But the ability to edit can cause people to manage their reactions and personality, so whoever they are talking to does not experience their true selves.  

Online personality management is how you end up meeting someone in real life, which is nothing like their online personality. While texting and instant messaging them, you two vibes together so well, but your real-life conversations are stagnant, and neither of you can get a good read on the other. Since we cannot define ourselves and our reactions in a face-to-face discussion, we are nowhere near as sophisticated or as witty as online. 

So, messaging others online while maintaining your true personality is more confident than people think. But there is one way to bring out anyone’s natural character, and that is by creating online meeting spaces that frequently meet in the offline world. By meeting another face to face, all of the knowledge you learned on finding lesbians will finally pay off.

One of the best spaces to meet other lesbians, whether you’re looking for a romantic partner or not, is meetup.com and other similar sites. Meetup.com is not a lesbian-specific site, but it is excellent for meeting anyone who shares the same interests as you. No matter what you like, you can create a space for that interest and invite anyone to join your group.

And I do mean any interest! I have seen some meetup.com groups who organize together at least once or twice a month and just drink wine. That’s all they do, and they are ecstatic to meet others who love to do the same as well.

IF you were to scroll through the various groups organizing within 30 miles of the city you currently reside in, you would discover at least one LGBTQ+ group. If you are in major cities, I guarantee there will be multiple groups and even groups organized for only lesbians.

Another great website to meet others so you can organize online and real-life meetings are Facebook groups. Instead of joining a massive group with over 500,000 followers from all over the country and world, join a local group within 20 miles of your home. If there are no such groups, then create a group yourself and then advertise your group to anyone within a 20 to 30-mile radius who shares your same interests. 

After gathering enough group members and frequently speaking with the members online, you can finally create official meetup dates. 

Even if there are plenty of local groups in the area, you can create a gay-friendly group for any exciting type. So, if you like bowling or cooking, or photography, create an LGBTQ+ friendly group. By doing so, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people can join your group and gather to meet in a friendly and non-judgmental space. A space created by a queer person will automatically let others know that they are in a safe and friendly environment.

However, most of this info is only applicable if you live in a large town or small city.

If you are in a small town, nothing is more effective than meeting people in the real world. When you have enough members, you can arrange meetings and plan events for everyone in your group. While you are not guaranteed to get a girlfriend this way, it is a great way to create an LGBTQ + friendly space. 

Lesbian Specific Dating Sites

In 2021, there are not many dating sites that cater to lesbians. Using these specific dating sites, you don’t have to figure out who is an actual lesbian or just a straight girl going through an experimental phase. There are specific dating sites built for lesbians and bisexual women. 

But there is one small barrier to most lesbian dating sites, especially the higher quality ones: the subscription fee. Most sites have a one-week to one-month free trial. But once the free trial is over, a subscription fee for just one of these sites can range from $14.99 a month to $35.99 a month. 

If your mind is not made up about which lesbian dating site to try out, the best site to begin your romantic journey with is eharmony. This online dating site has over 750,000 members with over 10 million active users, and owning an account comes with a mobile app so you can browse for potential dates while on your phone. Depending on which you choose, both are free to try and a subscription is usually tacked on if you want premium features like auto-matchmaking and profile optimization.

You can read our in-depth reviews for eharmony if you want to learn more.

Can I Meet Girls at A Non-Gay Bar?

Of course, you can. You can meet lesbians anywhere! However, I would not recommend doing this because you are likely to develop an interest in a straight woman who just acts very flirty after drinking a few cocktails. 

If you are in your early day of being out of the closet, hit the gay bars all by yourself. At a gay bar, it is pretty safe to assume that the girls at these bars are gay. If they are not gay and just there with their gay friends, she will let you know. However, it is not OK for them to get offended when you hit on them as they are in your territory. 

A great tip to use is to out yourself as much as possible. In this day and age, your appearance does not let people know you are gay, so make sure that you express your sexual identity whenever you want to find a girlfriend. This can be done using some hints like, “my ex-girl worked…”, “She’s so hot, I want to marry her” into the conversation now and then. You can also wear pride pins or other lesbians’ symbols to let others know who you are.

Something to take note of is that gay news travels fast. Before you are aware of it, the word will be out that you are gay, and you will have plenty of single lesbians lining up. 

What About Online Dating? 

If you have been out of the dating game for a while or are new to being gay, online dating is your best friend. We have already mentioned before that dating in real life is frustratingly hard. Online dating gives you the ability to meet people without being pulled out of your comfort zone. It is convenient, and I cannot understand why it has such a bad reputation. If you notice the concerning amount of gay bars that are being shut down, you would realize that there is a lack of great queer spaces to find yourself a potential partner. You would hop on your phone and begin swiping left or right. 

Ensure that you put in your bio what you are looking to achieve by using the specific app. Some girls use online dating apps to find girls willing to participate in a threesome with their boyfriends. Be upfront with what it is you want so that others, with the same intentions, can have the chance to match with you. This is probably the best advice I can give you when looking at creating an online dating profile.

Who Pays The Bill?

This is a very common question asked amongst gays. There are many different ways in which this question can be solved. Firstly, you can always split the bill. However, this is not very sexy and can be pretty unromantic. Along with this, this is something that is seen as very friendly and is something to avoid. The lines between friendship and love can be easily blurred in lesbian land. With that being said, it is crucial to draw distinctive lines in the sand. Be friendly to your friends and lovely to your lovers. It is that simple, ladies. 

You could pay the bill. Paying the bill could be appreciated by your date and may even encourage a second date. However, if you are dating a lot, this may not be the best option to use all the time. It is also good to remember that if you offer to pay the bill, you are going to pay the bill. So, be careful when throwing those words around. 

If your date offers to pay the bill, do not stress. Straight girls get treated all the time – you should be too. You should not be robbed of being romantically indulged just because you are a lesbian. I know it will feel different and awkward, but it is a date and if she wants to pay, let her pay. 

Being an old-school lesbian usually means that you subscribe to the butch and femme roles. In saying this, they may feel that the more masculine energy should be the one to pay the bill. That is fine if it works for you, but it is seen as a pretty old mentality within modern gay culture. 

What Do I Wear?

When thinking of what you wish to wear when looking for a potential lover or going out on a date, always remember to dress like yourself. Women are drawn to authenticity. Wear whatever you want to wear, whether it be jeans and a t-shirt or 6-inch heels and a tight dress. You wear what you feel is an accurate representation of you. Do not feel any pressure to dress like a stereotypically gay woman. That is not going to suit you well in the world of lesbians. There is something out there for everyone. 

What About Sex?

A significant part about the lesbian community is that there is rarely any slut-shaming that goes on. If you feel in the moment and are comfortable, then go for it because life is too short. Embracing your sexual identity will allow a whole new you to come out. It is a magical experience. Sexuality is the core of who you are, and when you can finally express the essence of who you are, all formerly displaced parts of you will fall back into place. 

Essential Tips To Help You In The World Of Lesbian Dating

Multiracial couple gay women taking photo

Keep Your Nails Short

If you have ever had sex with a woman or can picture having sex with a woman, then you can see that you cannot have long fingernails. Keeping your nails short is the equivalent to a man always carrying a condom. No one wants to be stabbed in the vagina by long fingernails. I think we can agree that it would be all very embarrassing to make your partner bleed from their genitals. 

Another reason to keep your nails short is to help you be identified as a lesbian by other lesbians. You might not find yourself getting hit on that much if you have long fingernails. 

A nail file or nail clippers are essential to have in any lesbian’s bag. If you are not the type to carry a bag, you can get nail clippers attached to your keys or wallet. The last thing you want is to meet a girl and then realize that you have let your nails grow out. We all know how quickly our nails can become overgrown. 

Protected Sex Does Not Just Apply To Straight Girls

I cannot stress this enough, but you should carry condoms. While lesbians are less likely to contract an STD, there is still a chance of this occurring. The portrayal of lesbian sex makes it look as though it is low-risk. However, the bad news is that you can still transmit herpes, HPV, or even oral yeast infections through oral or digit-vaginal sex. 

It is widespread for queer women not to practice safe sex. The risks are not widely known, unlike unprotected gay sex that has been proven deadly due to HIV Aids. Most queer women do not even know how to perform safe sex. 

Safe sex is performed with the help of dental dams. Dental dams are meant to be spread over the vulva to provide a barrier between the genitals and the mouth. 

It is improbable that your average corner store has dental dams. That is why it is a good idea to carry around a condom, as it is a fantastic alternative. If you cut the elastic ring off as well as the tip-off and slit it longways, you would have made yourself a dental dam. It is recommended to use a condom that is unlubricated and does not have a strong latex taste. 

Never Limit Yourself To A ‘Type’

Not putting it lightly but limiting yourself to one specific type is a terrible idea. Branching out and trying new things is so important. Plus, you would not want to miss out on any extraordinary experiences that await you. Do not cut yourself off of a specific type of girl just because she reminds you of someone you used to date or because you do not think you will be into it. 

You may find yourself having a completely different outlook on it fuller down the line. Added to this, do not neglect girls that have just recently come out, out of fear that they are just testing the waters. You were once just coming out of the closet too. Remember, you do not want to be the equivalent of the guy that just dates blondes. Have a bit more substance and go out there and live a little. 

Do Not Date Straight Girls

Not dating a straight girl seems reasonably apparent. However, it is pretty common to find yourself falling for your straight best friend or girls that are just testing the waters. Regardless of what they say, these girls will make any attempt at getting them to settle down with you utterly fruitless. Save yourself the heartbreak and sorrow and realize that you will not be the one to change her or make her want to come out of the closet. If she is indeed bisexual or lesbian, then she will get to a stage in her life when she is comfortable being who she is, but you chasing a relationship with her is not going to do it. 

Lesbian Dating Tips

Romantic women embracing each other

If you are new to the gay dating scene, you will need more advice than the average straight person starting to date. If that is your case, then you have come to the right place! In this article, we have assembled a few of the best lesbian tips on dating so you can find the love of your life while navigating the minefield that is the dating world. 

Finding someone to spend your long life with is hard enough, and the internet did not make it any easier. But with our advice, you can avoid some of the major pitfalls of dating in the queer dating market.

Do not date someone too young for you.

If you are an older lesbian who has some years on her, this advice is for you. I know you may desire to date a beautiful young woman who is full of life and energy. Just the sight of her clean skin and supple body is enough to make you bite down on a plank of wood to control yourself. But it’s not right, and you know it. 

We get mad at men who date women 15 years their junior, so it is the same if you do it as well.

What in the world are you going to do with a young woman? Bond over similar experiences? The thing about dating someone your age is that they have just as much knowledge as you do. But you will have nothing in common with her. 

If you date a younger woman, you must follow the age rule: your age divided by 2, then add 7. 

A woman who is 35 years old can date a woman who is 24 or older. Although a 35-year-old dating a 24-year-old may catch the attention of others, at least you’re not taking advantage of an 18-year-old.

It is perfectly fine if you don’t want to date a woman who is experimenting.

Here is a lesbian first date tip that you don’t usually hear: Don’t get with an experimenting woman. You never know who you will meet when you enter the lesbian/queer dating scene. It can be a wonderful experience, but only if you protect your heart. So, I think it is crucial that you learn about the experimenting girl.

One type of woman that could potentially hurt you is the straight woman who is just experimenting with their sexuality. These women do not know if they are lesbian or bisexual. They are usually young women in college, but women in their 30s and 40s can experiment.

In most cases, they are straight women who are looking to have fun and “try out a girl or two.” Most of these women will decide that they do not want to date women in the long term. They just thought they would experiment when they are young and have a dirty story or two to look back on when they get older. 

Experimenting is fine and a part of sexuality, but some of these women say they are lesbians or bisexuals when they are not, so they can earn the trust of actual queer women. Also, there are plenty of stories online of lesbians falling for straight girls, which hurts these women since they thought they had a connection.

If you meet a straight girl who tells you that she is just experimenting, it is outstanding if you decide you don’t want to date her. In this situation, you should protect your heart and not entertain these women if you do not want to. 

NOTE: Not every woman who experiments with their sexuality is just doing it for fun. Some women just need to become comfortable with their sexuality before embracing their true self as bisexual or lesbian. But you don’t have to date anyone them.

Some women are still in the closet around their family members, so know before meeting their parents or siblings.

Dating a woman who is still in the closet is a valid relationship, so you must learn how to navigate their family and friends. Some gay people are wonderful at playing along as the “new best friend” when talking or meeting her parents. 

Certain family members may be safe to be your authentic selves around but let her tell you who she trusts in her family. If any one of her family members tries to cozy up to you to learn if your partner is a lesbian, play dumb. If you don’t, it will soon become gossip.

But going back in the closet around a new group of people is exhausting mentally. Every queer person goes through their journey to be who they are now, and most don’t want to go back. If you don’t want to date a lesbian who is still in the closet around her family, I completely understand why. 

Suppose you are in the closet around your family. In that case, you understand the struggles of avoiding the “When are you going to get a boyfriend?” question, so try to find someone who understands your family situation. 

But some people don’t want to pretend to be straight anymore, and I’m sure you understand why. Dating while in the closet is difficult and tedious, so be sure to explain your predicament with your new girlfriend.

Ghosting is a stupid practice. If she is not responding to your texts and calls, drop her.

Ghosting is a practice of ignoring someone’s call and text, so you grow apart from that person. After a while, they will no longer contact you and write you off. While ghosting has always been an issue with some people, it has gotten worse in the past ten years. 

For these dating tips lesbians, don’t go out with a person who ghosts. You will hate ghosting when it happens to you. So, when it does, block them and move on. Don’t wonder what you did wrong. Find a girlfriend who respects you. On the other hand…

Don’t ghost people either.

No one likes it when others ghost them, but that same person will ghost someone they are trying to avoid in a heartbeat. Flakiness and avoidance behavior is now a societal norm, but you don’t have to do it. 

I understand that telling someone they are not a good fit for you or that you don’t wish to pursue anything else with them sounds mean, but it is part of being an adult. Telling them the truth is more respectful than ignoring their calls. They will always wonder why you stopped talking to them. It is just straight-up rude, so don’t replicate this behavior. 

Casual dating is OK, but be upfront with what you are currently looking for.

Since you are fresh and new to the dating scene or returning after a very long time away, it’s perfectly fine not to want anything serious. It is best to get your bearings and discover (or rediscover) dating and romance. So don’t rush into anything serious too quickly. Take at least a year to get your bearings and find out what is out there. 

But, this means that you should not date any woman who is looking for a serious relationship. If you meet a woman looking for a serious relationship, tell her you are looking for a casual one. A person who wants a casual relationship should not date someone who wants a serious one, as the latter person will always pine for what the other person does not want to give. 

Likewise, if a woman you are interested in says she is only looking for a casual relationship or just a fuck buddy, then believe them when they say this. The worst thing you can do for your heart is to cave to someone who is not looking for anything serious when you want a relationship and a girlfriend. 

If a potential partner or friend says, “Lesbians don’t do that,” they don’t have your best interest at heart.

Gatekeeping is despicable and downright annoying. People who try their hardest to make imaginary rules about how people should act aren’t fun to hang out with. They have never been invited to a party outside of their great aunt’s 70th birthday party, and they were only invited to that party because they are family.

There is no right way or wrong way to be a lesbian. Well, OK. There is a bad way to be a lesbian, and it is by having sex with a man. But that means that you’re bisexual. So other than that, there is no right way to be a lesbian. You don’t have to cut your hair short or drive a truck, wear flannel, or only drive a stick shift. 

You express yourself how you want to express yourself. No one would dare say that is not how a straight person asks, so why are they so hell-bent on policing gay people’s behavior?

And the worst part about lesbian gatekeeping is that it can come from other lesbians. The gay community already has enough straight people criticizing them from all angles; the last thing they need is gay people criticizing each other for behaviors that are not harmful in any way.

So, just be yourself, dress how you want, act how you want, and cultivate interests that are truly your own. 

Try online dating first to see what you like and don’t like.

Since you are new to the queer dating world, it would help your confidence if you messaged some women online and developed a sense of what to look for. Meeting new people is difficult in the real world, no matter who you date. Still, online dating can help arrange meetups between you and someone you are interested in. 

Here is a great lesbian online dating tip: Talk to as many women as possible and use this opportunity to refine your answers, engage in light banter, and learn about your likes and dealbreakers in your future girlfriend. 

As a bonus, you could meet your girlfriend while practicing your romantic social skills while online dating. Online dating is now the #1-way men, women, and nonbinary people of all sexualities now find their partner. 

According to a survey conducted in 2019, 39% of all couples met their partner online. As you can tell, 39% is a significant number. So, meeting your next romantic partner online is just as possible as meeting them in real life. 

Beware of Love bombing!

For most or all of your relationships, a partner showing love or appreciation early in the relationship is a green flag, and you should keep dating this type of person. But, like all things, too much too soon is a red flag. And showing too much love and attention in the beginning stages of a relationship is manipulative. Let’s dive into this a bit deeper.

If a woman you are beginning to date thanks to you for a gift you give them and gives you one in return, then that is good, right? Yes. But this situation can become sour if the person buys you a gift nearly every time you meet with her. Then, they change their Facebook status to “in a relationship”, add a photo of you to their Instagram while declaring their love for you. 

Do you see how their actions escalated? This is love bombing, and it can be intoxicating and brainwashing. We all want a partner who loves you and openly shows us their love by treating us well, but doing so much all at once can cause a person to feel overwhelmed. Plus, this amount of love that your new girlfriend is showing is not without a plan. 

One day, they will completely cut off all of their love the second you do something they don’t like. You will be confused and sad that they don’t show you love and cave into their demands. 

Now, you are seated on the manipulator’s roller-coaster ride, and it is not a ride you want to be on. So beware of this type of person.

Conclusion

Falling in love and finding a girlfriend is a journey, not a destination. Everyone who enters the dating world learns unique lessons about themselves and the types of people they are interested in. 

But as long as you follow the cautious advice on this page and have a close group of friends who look out for you, the dating world should be more fun and less terrible. Just be sure to stick to your dealbreakers and don’t pursue anyone who wants a causal relationship if you are looking for a committed one. 

Remember: all is fair in love and war, but treat yourselves with respect and dignity. Believe that a person for you is out there, and you will find her whether offline or online

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