How Not to Get Discouraged With Online Dating

Online dating is now the most popular way to find your next boyfriend or girlfriend. People are online more than ever, and most have at least one online dating profile. If you join two or three online dating sites, thousands of men or women are available at all times. But dating online can be exhausting, especially if you’ve looked at hundreds of profiles, sent many messages, and the results have proven to be unfruitful. Here are six things you can do to prevent yourself from being discouraged with online dating and prevent burning yourself out.

Take a Break

Woman taking a break drinking coffee

Most people have been dating, either online or in real life, for several years. Doing something non-stop can be exhausting, no matter what activity it is. So, if you haven’t had any good luck in the online dating world, maybe it’s time to take a break. 

Spend a month or so on yourself and don’t answer any online dating messages. Spend some time getting reacquainted with yourself. During this time, spend that extra time on yourself by exercising, sleeping, eating well, and meditating. Anything you can do for yourself is always a great option.

Once you’re ready to get back on, you should also evaluate your online romantic pursuits and see what happened and where you went wrong.

Learn why the Top 5 Reasons People Fail At Online Dating in our extensive guide.

Ask Yourself if You Want a Partner

Most people enter the dating world right after high school, and others enter while they’re still wearing braces and trying to pass geometry.

If you have been on the dating market for a few years, then perhaps it is an excellent time to step back and see if your priorities have changed.

If you entered the age at 21 and now you are 25, maybe you didn’t change too much and only want an easy relationship with anything serious.

But if you are 32 to 35, perhaps the idea of dating someone off and on for the next two or three no longer works for you.

Think about your future goals and achievements and what you want to accomplish in the next five years. If you see yourself getting married and having a kid, then take charge of your love life and figure out what type of wife or husband you want in your life. It would help if you always planned a life-changing event, so reevaluating your priorities is the first step.

Don’t Entertain Men or Women Who Don’t Put in Any Effort

Arab woman frowning face with displeasure

At the beginning stages of online dating, you haven’t even met them face-to-face in real life. So, it is quite telling if they can’t even text you back. If you find that you’re always the first person to initiate conversations, remember more details about their lives than they do about yours, and the one planning ideas and days to meet, this person is not respectful to you and your time. 

If they wanted to meet you and were interested in you, they would put more effort into your relationship. Some people say, “Well, it is early in the relationship. You haven’t even met, so it makes sense that they don’t do too much.” 

But what about you? Look at all the work you’re doing. Do you want to meet with someone who has no problem watching you do all of the work? No effort is just a roundabout way of showing that they’re not interested. Wait a few days and if they don’t contact you or only contact you at 2 a.m., ditch them.

Research That Person Before You Meet

Although many consider Googling someone you’re about to date a privacy issue, the practice should be encouraged. You never know who you’re going to meet, and you should keep yourself safe.

Googling a person can instantly tell you if they are in a relationship or married, verify who they say they are, and tell you a few other vital details that deceitful people are eager to leave out of their online profiles.

If this makes you uncomfortable, you can always hire someone to research your potential date and deliver only the details you ask them to find. You can also ask your friend to do this.

But you can take researching and Googling someone too far. Verify only the essential details that person has already told you, and find out if they have a dangerous criminal background.

What you should not do is find their Instagram and scroll through it until it is 2 a.m., and you’re now looking at their pictures from three to four years ago.

Don’t Get All Dressed up for a Coffee Date

A couple on a coffee date

Coffee dates are meant to be casual dates for two romantically interested people but still need to know each other. There are three main benefits of a coffee date. 

The first benefit is the date is not formal so that you can go to the coffee date in your work clothes. 

The second benefit is that if you do not like the person, you don’t have to sit in their presence for an entire dinner and fake politeness. 

The third main benefit of a coffee date is that they’re much easier to set up, so if they forget about it or decide not to show, they are more evident in their rudeness. 

Not many people know about that last benefit, but if they can’t make a coffee date or cancel at the last second, he or she doesn’t respect your time.

The Next One Is Not “the One.” Stop Acting Like It

While optimism and vulnerability are essential in dating, it is not acceptable to treat every new suitor as if they are the one. 

The next man or woman you meet might be just that, the next one. Getting your hopes up every time someone messages you is a recipe for an instant heartbreak, and I don’t think any man or woman can live up to that level of expectation.

If you are desperately searching for the one because you don’t want to be alone with yourself, then that issue is not something that can’t be fixed with a relationship.

Are you long-distance dating? Read our guide about Long Distance Dating Guide.


I wish you the best of luck in your online dating endeavors. Just be sure to take your time, understand yourself and your needs, outline established deal-breakers, and not make excuses for people.

With these parameters, online dating won’t be as quick as someone who chooses the next person, but you’ll be much happier if you are selective about who you let into your life.

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