When you are dating a black woman or dating a black man, there are many things to know to ensure that your experience is exciting and mutually beneficial. Like all races, there are certain nuances and differences to be aware of. You want to bust through the stereotypes and get an idea of what you can expect. This ensures that your foray into black dating is fun.
Black culture is diverse, and all black people interpret it in different ways. It is not what you see on television, as these are largely stereotypes. The culture is rooted in Africa, but the traditions have adapted over the years.
Black people have made major contributions all throughout the world in music, literature, cuisine, art, religion, and other fields. The culture is enormously influential, and you see it every day.
You will often find a variety of dialects among black people. Now, when you are dating a black woman or dating a black man, you do not have to adopt their dialect. Simply appreciate it.
You will often find that the dialect in Paris is different than the dialect in New York City. It can also differ among major cities throughout every country.
Everything from rock n’ roll, to the blues to hip hop, are all elements of black culture. Music is often important, and it plays a major role in holidays and celebrations.
Do not just assume that race determines someone’s taste in music, however. Just like when you date other races, ask them about their musical tastes. Get to know why they like the music that they do. You should also not be afraid to introduce your partner to the music that you enjoy.
The fashion that is popular in black culture is incredibly diverse. You will find that some people prefer traditional African fashion from their country of origin. Some prefer hip hop and urban fashion. Others will lean toward more professional and conservative clothing.
Like all races, black hair has a unique texture. This texture and the history of black people have created different styles that are popular among those of this race. Some people will prefer braids, while others might relax their hair, wear synthetic hair, or just keep their hair natural.
The holidays black people celebrate often depends on where they live. For example, in the United States, they likely celebrate Easter and Christmas like most Americans. However, there are other holidays that might be a celebratory time, including:
- Black Love Day
- Independence Day for the African nation they are from
- Tjungu Festival
- Black History Month
- Dashiki Friday
- Dr. Martin Luther King Day
- Isese Lagba
When you have a black partner, it is fine to take part in these celebrations with them. However, make sure that you do not cross into cultural appropriation. Ask your partner what is appropriate for you to show your appreciation for these holidays.
Do Not Engage in Cultural Appropriation
This is an issue in today’s society so I’m mentioning it here. This involves using or taking things from a culture that you’re not a part of. It’s important to understand this issue because you might view it as appreciation, but some actually find it offensive. (I don’t find anything offensive about it but know that your date might)
In modern society, the dominant culture in any given country appropriates when they take things from any other culture in the country that is oppressed. For example, in the United States, the oppression of black people goes back centuries. So, when white people take parts of black culture and claim them as their own, this is another form of oppression.
There are several examples of white people appropriating black culture. One popular example was Miley Cyrus twerking and acting like she created this form of dancing. Another example is white women getting box braids or similar styles that black women are often looked down upon for.
When you are dating a black woman or dating a black man, do not try to take parts of their culture in an attempt to fit in. It is fine to appreciate these elements, but do not adopt them for yourself. Be yourself and allow them to be themselves. Your unique differences will contribute to a stronger relationship.
What Black Women Want
When you are dating a black woman, knowing more about their wants can enhance your relationship. Here is what actual black women have to say about what they want in a relationship:
- They know you might be intimidated if you have not tried dating a black woman before, and they are willing to listen to your feelings without judgment.
- Expect jokes and talking about people the woman knows when you two are together.
- They do not care that you are of a different race. They only care about getting to know you as an individual.
- When you meet on an online dating website, they will want to get to know you before you meet in person.
- Never appropriate black culture to try to impress her. This will have the opposite effect on your relationship. Be who you are and share your likes and lifestyle.
- Never be rude or loud when you are out with a black woman. They want to have a good time, and if you are not acting respectfully to those around you, this will ruin the date.
- Do not be shy about appreciating her sexuality. However, do not think that all black women are like the ones you see in rap videos. They all have their own individual preferences when it comes to intimacy.
What Black Men Want
When it comes to dating a black man, there are a few things to know about regarding what they are looking for. Forget everything that you have seen on television or read in books. Instead, listen to what real black men have had to say concerning what they are looking for in a relationship:
- They want the relationship to be an equal partnership. They are not here to complete you or for men and women to “play their role” per se. It is important that both of you view each other as equals in all parts of your relationship.
- They do not want to discuss their past girlfriends or indiscretions. They want to focus on the now and their potential future with you.
- They appreciate random acts of kindness that show your appreciation. For example, rub his shoulders after a long day or surprise him with a favorite meal just because.
- They do not expect every person they date to result in marriage. They enjoy meeting women and having their company.
- They want you to be true to yourself. Do not change who you are when you are with them.
- They want you to respect their values. To do this, you have to get to know them and never make assumptions based on past black men you have dated.
Communication When Dating A Black Woman Or Dating A Black Man
When you are dating a black man or a black woman, there are certain communication tips that you want to keep in mind. When you follow these, it can lead to a stronger and more open relationship.
Never try to hide your true feelings or struggles. This can be seen as dishonest which can cause major issues for your relationship. No matter what you are feeling, it is important that you sit down and talk to your partner to get everything out in the open.
You have to listen as much as you talk. When dating someone who is black, they need to know that you respect their thoughts as much as they respect yours. When you are an effective listener, it shows that what they have to say is important to you.
You should also ask about their thoughts and opinions on things. Do not just assume they may dislike or enjoy something based on their race.
They need to express themselves. Many races and cultures can be very reserved when it comes to self-expression, so this can be a change when you start dating black people. When there is an issue in your relationship, they will tell you.
It is important that you do not get offended by this. Instead, embrace their honesty and openness. In the long run, this will only serve to make your relationship stronger.
Talk about and celebrate your differences. You are both of a different race and this is a good thing. When you communicate about your differences, this will ultimately expand both of your worlds. It also ensures a greater bond.
Racism is Real
It is unfortunate, but racism is alive and well. This can result in black people sometimes being guarded against dating people outside of their race. Do not take this personally. Instead, talk about it and get to know each other.
In the United States, marrying people of another race was not legal until 1967. However, according to research by Pew Research in 2015, approximately 11 million Americans are married to someone who is of a different race.
While white people and black people dating and marrying is more mainstream today, it is still not fully accepted by all people. This could cause problems in your relationship if you are not prepared.
Keep the following in mind when it comes to racism:
- You have to be willing to talk about it and learn about it
- There will be times when your partner prefers to talk to someone else about racism
- Your partner’s family may not want to discuss racism with you or hear your opinion
- Always speak up when your friends and family say racist things even when your partner is not around
- If you say something racist, own it and learn from it
- Understand power dynamics and how this can be a problem if it goes unchecked in your relationship
Common Interracial Relationship Struggles and Overcoming Them
There are a few struggles that are common when dating a black woman or dating a black man. The good news is that you can overcome these as long as you are both open and willing to learn.
One of the biggest struggles is not having a good understanding of each other’s culture. Even if both of you are from the same country, there are cultural differences that can come into play.
The key is to be open. Do not be afraid to ask questions and get clarification about various cultural nuances. Your differences can enrich your relationship and expand both of your worlds.
Negative public perception is another problem. Unfortunately, there are still close-minded people in the world who do not want to see people of different races together.
For this issue, you simply have to develop thick skin. Negative public perception cannot negatively affect your relationship unless you allow it to. When something happens in public, talk to each other about it. Do not just ignore it since this can allow negative feelings to build.
Some families are not accepting of people from other races. Talk to your family if you are not accepted or they do not accept your partner. In some cases, a temporary distance from family is the best way to overcome this problem.
In many cases, with time, this is an issue that can be solved. The key is to continue focusing on each other and letting your bond continue to develop. Once the family sees how happy you both are, this may make them change their mind.
For many black people, their families are incredibly important. They often hold annual family reunions and put a lot of effort into holidays, birthdays, and other celebratory occasions. When you are dating a black woman or dating a black man, you should expect to be around their family often.
Since the times of slavery, the bedrock of black culture has been the family. This enabled survival during those heinous times. As society saw the civil rights movement, the family unit continued to grow stronger. Family reunions started as a way to revitalize culture and restore cohesiveness.
When you are dating a black person, how long it takes you to meet the family depends on several factors. Due to issues like racism, some black people may understandably be leery of inviting a white person into the family. It is important that you respect and understand this. If you and your partner are meant to be, the family will almost always come around eventually.
When you finally meet the family, be yourself. Do not try to assimilate into their culture because this could result in you unintentionally appropriating black culture.
Greet the family as you would any other person that you meet. Act the same way you normally do with your partner. Know that your partner has already talked about you with their family and they know more about you than you realize.
If you treat your partner and their family with respect, you will be accepted. Just do not rush those who are hesitant around you or force your presence upon them. This can be seen in a negative way, and it could put a strain on your relationship.
Ditch the Stereotypes
Stereotypes are an unfortunate element in society. No matter how much people evolve, these tend to stand the test of time. It is very important that you know what stereotypes exist regarding black people so that you can avoid them on your dating journey.
When you watch television, you often see black men portrayed as “thugs” or “gangsters.” It is important to eliminate this perception immediately. Black men come in all types. They have different interests, hobbies, and goals in life just like every other race.
One negative stereotype is that of the “Welfare Queen” that was started during the Reagan era in the United States. Of course, this is absolutely untrue, but it is a stereotype that has endured for decades. The assumption is that black women have children to receive public assistance.
Black women work just as much as women from any other race. This stereotype also plays into the “Angry Black Woman” stereotype. Temperament is highly individualized, and a person’s race has little to no impact.
Certain stereotypes are associated with food. In the United States, it is frequently assumed that all black people love soul food. This is not true. Their taste in cuisine varies like everyone else.
Not all black people can dance, sing, or excel in sports. Yes, many do because they work hard at their hobbies and interests. However, being of a specific race does not automatically mean that someone has a specific set of skills or challenges.
When you are dating black people, get to know them on an individual level. You will find that those stereotypes you often see in the media and in entertainment are just not true.
All races and cultures have their own superstitions. Knowing more about the common superstitions in the black community can aid you in dating people in this community. Of course, not all black people have these superstitions, so do not just assume that every black person you date has these. The following superstitions are ones to know about:
- Never step on cracks in the pavement because it could result in mom getting injured
- Someone is talking about you if your ears are ringing
- Prior to the first birthday, never cut a baby’s hair because this can bring bad luck
- The devil is beating his wife if there is simultaneous raining, sun, and thunder
- Your face will get stuck if you make the same faces frequently
- Money is coming if your palm is itching
- During a lightning storm, never talk on the phone or else lightning could strike you
- You will stay broke if you put your purse on the floor
- Your baby will be unattractive if you go to the zoo during pregnancy
- Someone is pregnant if you dream about fish
- Seven years of bad luck follows breaking a mirror
- Your man will leave you if you buy him shoes
- Bad luck follows putting a hat on your bed
Always Be Honest
When you are dating a black woman, you will find that she puts a lot of emphasis on honesty. The same is true when dating a black man. Even if the truth hurts, they want you to deliver it.
They are very strong and can handle the truth. There is no need to sugar coat it. Be forward but ensure that you are not cruel about it.
If they find that you have been dishonest, this puts a major negative mark on your entire relationship. Even the smallest untruths can end a relationship.
It is also important to not be sneaky. Be open and do not hide anything about your life. If you do hide things, they will eventually come to the light and this can end your relationship.
When you are dating a black woman or dating a black man, if you are of a different race, both of you will have to deal with comfort zone issues. This is not a bad thing if you tackle it right.
Talk to each other about anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. This will help you both to set boundaries that you will not cross.
For example, due to issues of racism, some black people might not feel comfortable in places that are predominantly white. Talk to each other about this as communication can prevent most comfort zone problems from even happening.
As your relationship grows deeper, these boundaries and comfort zone stipulations can change. So, every few months, it is a good idea to revisit this issue and see if there are any updates.
What is most important is that you respect each other’s comfort zones. It is perfectly acceptable to challenge each other but keep boundaries in mind when doing so.
Now you have a comprehensive guide to help you with dating a black woman or dating a black man. The next step is to check out some dating sites so that you can start meeting those that match your preferences.
Black Dating Sites
If you’re just starting to think of dating a black woman or dating a black man, you will want to be sure to know the best places to find African-American singles.
We have compiled a list of the best black dating sites. This should help you find your perfect African-American match.